IF YOU BECAME ILL PUSSY (FIRST-HAND)
I bought a bald cat - the Canadian sphynx, girl. Bought winter. By the summer of pussy is already grown up and loved to sit on the window, watching the birds and podmyavkivat. Summer.Heat. I come home from work ... and I see that the cat is in an unnatural position on the windowsill: all red eyes "in a pile," as in concomitant strabismus, tongue fell out of his mouth, as if it ...
in a pan roasted. Next - Fairly fearing for the lives of his favorite, not knowing what had happened, I pack it in your bag and run to the vet. The doctor said that the cat burned (!!) on the window sill! And it is urgently necessary to smear fat sour cream. The vet did a cat shot, then we pussy ran to the store for sour cream. In the dairy department was not the seller, and I asked a girl from a neighboring department to help me choose the most fat sour cream to spread it burnt my pussy. For some reason, my request has caused a burst of laughter, but the cream I still gave.
Taking the jar, I, with pussy in a bag, ran to the cashier, where there was a long queue. Fearing for the life of your pet, I began to ask to skip, t. To. I urgently need to spread their burnt cream pussy. This, standing in front of a woman, indignantly replied: "I, too, on the beach pussy burned, and even thong rubbed, but I did not climb out of turn!" Hearing such a dialogue, people began to choke with laughter when I explained that my pussy bald, so burned, and not on the beach, and on the window. Now guys together neighing, and the crowd were heard shouting outraged women, they say, we also bald pussy, but that is no reason to climb out of turn. Already in tears, I explained to the queue that'll show her pussy, and then she can starve from overheating. The hall burst into laughter. All have almost rolling on the floor laughing.
I unzipped the bag. When they saw my bald pussy, just missed forward. But this is my misfortunes did not end there. On the table for shopping, I smeared pussy cream and rushed to catch a taxi to get home faster. Having passed the half-way, my pussy started to write directly into the bag standing on my knees.
I yelled to the driver: "Stop the car, I have the legs flowing!" - On what he angrily asked: "Are you pissed or something?" To calm the driver, I explained: "Yes, I do not, and my pussy!" Driver howled: "Are you drunk? How I zassatom cabin passengers will carry ?! Fu! And what stinks something!" And he had to show a bald pussy, say, the animal burned and described. Alternating with laughter Matyuk to us at home he still dovёz, say, the next passenger lucky he still would not soon, when the seat is dry and stinking. Had to pay him for pissing seat. Pussy otzhivela, recovered, but had to hang blinds, so no longer fall into a similar situation. Girls! Take care of their bald pussies!
JUSTLY PUNISHED FOR SPOTTED DOGS
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owner of the house sits at the head of a huge table in the living room with a fireplace. Big-bellied mustachioed and uncle, director of everything. Around the least honorable guests and us. Guests previously toured the mansion, heard eulogies in honor of himself from the owner. Sit, eat. In the living room includes a dog owner. Purebred German Shepherd. Passes under the table and falls at the feet of the master.
Then the host's monologue:
- This is my Earl. Champion in the sixth generation. He was brought up in a kennel for a fortune. Only eats special food. Listens only one host, it is such a technique. I said to him, "Aus" - it can not be said to him, "Fuss" - next, say "Track" - looking for ... Besides German teams other family members and other teams he does not listen. Here are some training in this nursery.
All the time while he talked about the dog, the dog was lying peacefully at his feet. Then put in my two cents worth master's wife:
- Well, I do not know when you're not, this beast turns underfoot in the kitchen begging for Mosley, so I chasing him say "Pshel otsjudova out" - and he leaves.
At this point, Count pressed ears tail and whining and backing crawls out from under the table and blame wagging his tail skedaddle from the living room. Here's to you and the team in German.) As long as the master list them - dog did not move as well as the hostess said - crawled as pretty. Host red as a lobster, guests neigh ... But chinnaya situation eased and we talked for quite sincerely!
TWO MYSTERIOUS STORIES ABOUT CATS
In this conventional brick house, in an apartment where the family lived - mother, father and two sons, - there was something quite unusual.
All attempts Togliatti researchers to establish the cause of the sudden noise and rumble result is not allowed. Reassuring is that the poltergeist quickly calmed down, without causing any harm. But once the mistress stroked clothes in the room, one of the sons sitting on the couch. Suddenly turned and saw a woman sitting on a wall unit a very large black cat. Having decided that the cat got into the apartment through the balcony, she began to drive it on the street, but ... the balcony door was closed! And the window too!  I must say that between the wall and the furniture capital of the walls at the balcony door was something like a niche.There were pieces of temporary plaster bas-reliefs: it was hoped glue. Ejected cat jumped into this niche - loudly rattled the broken pieces of the bas-relief - and ... gone! No holes in the niche households not found and strange appearance cat remains a complete mystery to them. For a while later the father noticed that the older of the two lived in the house cats (a mother and kitten four months) got into the habit to walk in this niche - and will leave forty minutes absent. Then appears. He decided to see what she was doing there, but in the niche was empty. Out on the balcony, the door to which was closed, my father saw that the fugitive is eating grass on the street under the balcony. And then the cat reappeared in the hall. Although all windows, doors, vents were closed. The kitten meanwhile grown up, but I was too lazy and fat, so the street never asked. Once, during the next half-tergeystnyh "hooliganism" he is so frightened that he jumped on the first wall, and from there into the niche and ... also disappeared. And soon the street cat snitched heart-rending cry. It seems that the kitten has done the same way as that of his mother. But which way ?! No holes or slots in the recess was not. Only one thing - the apartment was a spatial shift outside the home, and cats know about it. But how could they use it? Researchers have known that poltergeist outbreaks often disappear and appear things and even animals. And often it occurs in certain areas of conventional urban apartments. earner is always interesting to listen to, or read stories about our smaller brethren, about cats, dogs, horses ... I'm sure vain we deny them in mind, in matters of the heart and affection to the people, their owners. It comes from our stupidity and wrong conclusions from science. At the household level, many simply do not believe the theories of scientists, because not faced with reflexes or acquired skills, and with a real reason. Animals can not speak - yes, and to understand people - easy! Here is one interesting story. She told Vasily village Fishing from that in the Volga-Akhtuba floodplain. He had a cat Vaska, too, namesake, therefore. They lived together then, and Vaska very brightened leisure - have cared about. And right ... the beginning of the 90s, all Porush in the country for months people did not receive money for their work. Once Vasily came after work and at home ball Roll, nothing to eat. Director mehuchastka third month 'breakfast' feeds, do not give money . Basil sits, empty drink tea, biscuit biting. Vaska razmyaukalsya underfoot - hungry ozhidayuchi host. Vaska he says - no, they say, nothing to eat you or me. Have patience, brother ... Soon the cat was asked on the street used to need to go into the yard. It took about an hour. The narrator is lying on the bed, listening to the radio, reading the "Spark" - suddenly outside noise.Looks and Vaska schemitsya through the open window, jumped backwards and something pulls him into his mouth, struggling to cope, poor fellow. - I got up, picked up his watch ... And my Vaska teeth holding a stick of smoked sausage! -hohotnul Vasily Ivanovich. - Where did you - I'll never know. Shop far away from us, and drag such a weight on the street ... So I do not know where kotyara kidnapped product and it does not tell. Seen, I realized that the owner seriously without food, and decided to help.Then we had dinner together well, then he lies beside hums pleased, and I have tears in his eyes stand: because everything is perfectly understood my koteyka! .. More a couple of days we ate that sausage.  A cat died a few years later ... Age said. Could not jump up on a chair, where he loved to sleep close to the owner, was arranged on the floor on a mat that he his bed. Strength left. Once a long time staring into his eyes, then ask the courtyard. - It was only later I realized that Vaska said goodbye to me - sighed loudly storyteller. -Otvoril The door for him, and he never returned. I searched the whole district, called him - never found. I told people that, sensing imminent death, cat care, hammered into some hole to be seen, not to worry. But sometimes, said my friend, he clearly felt someone gently, like Vaska, passes through beds, arranged at his feet.Sometimes clearly felt his presence, and his eyes will open - no one. Maybe it really came astral body, but we do not see the astral plane ... Gennady Belimov, journalist, researcher of anomalous phenomena, the head of the Volga group to study anomalous phenomena, Ph.D., a member of the Russian Union of Journalists.                   |
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